…My Headman Gave to Me:

In line with the buckets entry, let me tell you about facets of peace corps lifestyle through a lovely song composed by a few of us over dinner Christmas Eve. All of you should recognize the original…

On the First Day of Christmas, my Headman gave to me:
…A botfly in a Bush tree.
Luckily I’ve still avoided them, but the botfly apparently loves not-quite-dry laundry in the Zambian bush for its home. Itchy red bumps for weeks if they find your clothes. Lesson: leave clothes out until they’re definitely dry.
…2 guinea fowl
Guinea fowl are quite possibly the most obnoxious and stupid animals ever. How did they make it on the ark and not perish with the unicorns? They make a noise exponentially worse than roosters and usually earlier and more persistent. Ah, but you do get used eventually.
…3 village chickens
Similar to above, just another nuisance in the village you get used to and laugh at. Roosters don’t wake me up anymore. Chickens are kind of like free-range village insurance. Need school fees or transport money or emergency relish for a guest? Kill a chicken.
…4 stupid goats
Try at least a dozen who love to sleep (and crap) in my cooking shelter and bleat all night and generally cause mayhem. Goat pens or tieing them in any manner isn’t cultural. Free roaming allows them to graze wherever and whenever; that includes the Volunteer’s garden.
…5 PCVs
Ah, a group of PCVs are invincible, enough said. Truthfully, there were 5 of us laughing over this parody.
…6 juicy mangoes
One major thing I’ll miss from this life is eating entirely seasonally. It’s healthy, just more natural for humanity, and adds just one more joy to daily life. Oh! only a few more weeks until mango season. And you simply can’t beat eating mangoes while watching a Zambian sunset. (Remember my sweet potato entry from a while back?)
…7 cancelled meetings
Time in Zambia is soo different, life happens, and excuses are given. It takes alot to accept when your efforts to coordinate a meeting for weeks are suddenly superceded by something else. I have learned the lesson well of adapting my time and plans to what the community wants and have reached a realistic level of mental acceptance. Carry something to occupy yourself.
…8 Obama packets.
Obama paraphrenelia is everywhere! Hollogram belts, millions of t-shirts, rolls, but the best is cheap liquor. Seriously, you drink cane liquor (colloqually tujilijili) from little plastic sachets with Obama’s smile on the label. Somehow I doubt he actually endorsed them or endemic alcoholism.
…9 creepy hitches
Hitchhiking is a common form of travel in such a spaced out country. Most times everyone is friendly and it is safe and fun to meet all types of people, but sometimes you just get guys who insist they’ll pay your bride price and marry you. Fake wedding rings and imaginary husbands are handy in these situations.
…10 lumps of nshima.
I honestly love the national dish of Zambia, but sometimes there is too many lumps and not enough vegetables to eat with it.
…11 rats-a-chewing.
Yep, try as hard as you may, rats still will find their way into your house. And they want to share my prized american food!
…12 iwes yelling.
Iwes are young children and a continual paradox. They usually travel en masse and yell Hello White Foreigner! even after I’ve lived near them nearly two years. But they’re also resilient, adorable, great language teachers, helpful, inquisitive, always my fans, and sometimes all that gets me through tough days.

Happy New Year, and Enjoy! Mwendepo.